No one enjoys conflict but leaders know it’s on the way. At times, leadership means deciding who you will upset. The following are some things to remember.
Before conflict happens
Accept conflict happens. Personality differences and the fact some thrive on conflict means it will happen.
Know what is nonnegotiable. Example: helping in children’s ministry means filling out a background check. No discussion. No apologies. Be offended but it’s not about you. It’s about our kids.
Communicate early and often. It’s shocking how many problems are avoided simply by keeping people informed of what’s happening.
Accept that the more spiritually mature must exercise the most self-control. “It is just as much a Christian duty to avoid taking offense as it is to avoid giving offense.” – Dr. John Blanchard
Learn the language:
SAY:
“we” instead of “you”
“and” instead of “but” or “if”
“because” and give reasons
“I feel” to express yourself
AVOID:
“always”
“never”
“That’s because …”
“You should.”
During Conflict
The majority of conflict resolution is listening – not getting a point across. Many times people just want their feelings validated. One of the worst things you can say to someone angry is “calm down.”
Conflict is an opportunity for discipleship and leadership training. Assume the best of the other person. It is hard to criticize when you know their story.
The more emotionally charged the more you should avoid email and text.
After Conflict
Be available. There are times to end a relationship but if this is not one of them don’t be passive aggressive by avoiding the person.
Have fun together. You don’t need to go to an amusement park together. Just look for opportunities to do this. It says “We are moving past this.”
What are things you have learned about managing conflict?
Our Leadership 101 Class begins May 24th at 6:30 PM. Contact barry@spoutsprings.org if interested!
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