I had a difficult time with someone in church and reached the point many pastors do – secretly wishing they would go away. I shared this with my lead pastor / venting partner Steve and he shared an important question: Are they “Extra Grace Required” or are they poison?
“Extra Grace Required” (EGR) means they are not harmful or destructive – simply annoying – needing more patience and understanding. Poison is different. A poisonous person is one who is destroying the church, more to the point, the people who attend that church. EGR’s need growth. The poisonous need removal.
This idea is difficult for some to accept despite being biblical. (Romans 16:17; 2 John 1:10)
What’s the difference?
EGRs are often:
- Driven by personal pain – “Hurting people hurt people and are easily hurt by others.”
- Needy – they never get enough
- Were poison at some point in the past but changed
- Contribute nothing to church
- Is someone you can do nothing for – although someone else may be able to.
- Share LOTS of opinions
- Add to our to-do list – “You really should be doing ____!”
- Have poor chemistry with others
Possible Characteristics of the Poisonous
- Intentionally undermining the vision of the church.
- Non-biblical teaching – going out of their way to teach what the Bible clearly opposes.
- Tell conflicting stories to pit people against each other, undermine others or escape responsibility.
- Start conflicts –actively building “sides” as in “Are you on my side or theirs?”
- Refuse to accept authority
- Have own agenda; rejects vision.
- Have a thirst for power or titles – constantly imply they can do better or undermine a leader who holds a position they want.
Next week: EGR vs Poison – Part 2 – Guidelines to Remember
What are your feeling on this? What characteristics have you seen?
Spearhead Coaching 